Fire Trucks, Fire Alarms and Hormones

Since the beginning of my pregnancy, I haven't had very many of those "hormonal emotional" episodes. In fact, I can count them on one hand. Maybe. But this morning I had one of those emotional moments. On my way to work, I was on I-35 SB when I passed a multi-car pile up on the NB side. Everyone was out and talking on their cell phones so I gawked like the other drivers and took the Broadway exit to get to work. As I was getting off the exit, two KCFD apparatus passed me with lights and sirens. At that point I had an overwhelming nostalgic feeling and started to cry. Even though that chapter of my life is closed, I miss being a firefighter and I miss the guys we used to work with. I always say a little silent prayer when I see emergency vehicles going lights and siren but today was a little different and hormones definitely played a role. Needless to say, I had to do a little pulling myself together before actually going into work. If that weren't enough emergency-related emotion for one day, our building was evacuated at 2pm this afternoon. So, fire alarm blaring (I'm sure my unborn baby is deaf now because no amount of amniotic fluid, belly fat or other womb goo could have muffled that horrible sound) I got nostalgic again as I fought the urge to go into emergency mode and start hustling people out the door. As I followed hordes of people down five flights of stairs and across the street to regroup at Union Station, I suppressed the tears as I again missed being a firefighter. On my way back in (via the elevator this time) after the all-clear, I had a disheartening thought: because of my pregnancy and the risk that I now have for preeclampsia*, I can barely help myself and my baby much less help others if this had been a worse situation than just some burning electrical wires. If my physical situation were different, I can't say that I wouldn't be trying to help others in a dangerous emergency situation. It's what I trained to do for a long time and I can't imagine not trying to help others in an emergency. That's one of the things that made it so hard for me to not be able to go to Tennessee and help Spence & Roxann. (The other thing was that I'm the big sis and it's my job to look out for my fam). So, it was a little disheartening to realize that I was a little useless to others had this been a bigger emergency. So between the nostalgia and the realization that I have to probably rely on others for help, it's been an emotional day. I think I'll go put my feet up and watch a movie.


*For those of you who don't know, preeclampsia is a condition in pregnancy that is characterized by high blood pressure and can be dangerous to both the mother and the baby in that it can actually cause strokes. It is diagnosed not only by high blood pressure readings but certain proteins found in urine, severe headache, abdominal pain and other not-so pleasant symptoms. Blood pressure during pregnancy is different because of the extra blood volume and my normally "below normal" blood pressure has been fluctuating enough lately that I have to see my doctor on a weekly basis as a precaution. So if a normal adult blood pressure is 12o/80, my normal is 112/76 and now I'm fluctuating into areas of 160/90, that's a problem. There's nothing like feeling like you're a walking, ticking time bomb. But, lucky me, Bryan is already taking the best care of me possible so I have nothing to worry about. And, as active as the baby is, I'm sure she's fine, too.