Emergency Stimulus Package to be Passed Immediately

Lawmakers in Washington have been called upon to pass legislation immediately in effort to slow the country's fast-growing unemployment rate. The new stimulus bill will create enough jobs that the unemployment rate will drop to 0%. Now that Obama has won the Nobel Peace Prize, a new wing will need to be built on the White House to accomodate Obama's giant head. White House officials acknowledge that space in the White House has been tight since the inauguration, but the recent award received by the president has made it necessary to start construction immediately. Obama will also be appointing a special czar to make sure there is always room for Obama's head. Obama also hopes to receive extraordinary recognition for "stimulating" the economy by creating jobs and lowering the unemployment rate by commissioning such a construction project. Also, since there will never be enough space for his constantly growing ego, there will always be jobs available. Anyone interested in applying for these jobs should contact their local ACORN office.