The Adventures of Poo and Other Toddler Tales

For anyone who is a first-time mommy with a little one that has not yet reached toddlerhood, consider this a warning.

As I cleaned up a third poopie mess in as many days, I realized why one of my sisters-in-law refers to herself as Mother Monkee. My own sweet, darling, baby girl as turned into a sneaky, crap-flinging monkey. She's sneaky because she never does these things when her dad is around. Since Bryan is going to school full-time (in addition to working full-time), Anna Lee and I spend many evenings together. The other night was pretty uneventful even after I had to clean poo out of the bathtub, clean it and refill it for Anna's second bath. But the next night, when her father was on his way to do a shift at the fire station, my restless monkey struck again. Bryan had been gone 20 minutes and I was checking the email when I heard from the other room, "uh oh! Oh no!". Anna came running in to me trying to hold up her diaper. Thinking she was just upset that she had unfastened it, I started to fix the situation. Then I noticed it: poop on her hands. So off to the tub she went and off to the phone I went to jokingly let Bryan know that once again, his sense of timing was PERFECT! Fortunately, this bathtime went without a hitch and we spent the rest of the evening watching the Wiggles. Then yesterday afternoon, it hit. Literally. I went to get Anna up from her nap and I was assaulted with the smell of uncontained poop. I resisted the urge to close the door and go away. This time, my drowsy child still had her diaper securely fastened. But the bed was soiled and it had to get there somehow. Off to the bath she went and I went to work cleaning up the latest poopie mess, wondering why in the hell my husband isn't around to share this joy. When I pulled the crib away from the wall and saw the carpet, I could only come to one conclusion: my child is really that poo-flinging monkey from Youtube. I don't know how she does it or how she times it so perfectly. All I know is that my monkey is talented. She has many talents but she is most gifted at keeping me on my toes. There is no rest for this weary zookeeper! I only have one child so I hesitate to talk about my exhaustion in front of those who have multiple children. Anna may be just one twenty-pound two-year old but she's a ton of energy and a ton of fun. I'm not saying that I enjoy cleaning up poop or the fact that her dad is somehow absent when it happens, but I enjoy her. The little hilarious things she does like sing along with Bon Jovi on the car radio or go down her slide face-first or sticking post-its all over her body are priceless. And someday, she'll grow up and stop doing those hilarious little things. I just hope it doesn't happen any time soon. Except maybe the crap with the poo. I can do without that.