Before we start a new week, I thought I would recap the news and events of this past week just in case any of you missed it. These are some of the news stories that I thought were blog-worthy.
Lefties Lose Time at the Loo
A company in Britain has announced that it is now making underwear for the left-handed man. Because standard Y-front briefs open on the right hand side, it is thought that it takes more time for a left-handed man to use the restroom because he has to reach farther to do his business. Therefore, Y-front briefs that open on the left side are needed for the 10% of left-handed males in the U.K. You know, Bryan is left-handed. I should ask him if he's ever encountered an emergency at the urinal and had to waste time "reaching".
President Poops on Paterson's Parade
The first black governor of New York state is seeking another term in the 2010 election. Because Paterson is a democrat and democrats are losing favor (even Paterson's approval ratings are in the crapper), The Great One asked him not to run because it would hurt his Omnipotent Presidency. Um...since when does the president have the right to ask a governor not to run for office? It almost seems that The Great One is threatened by another black man in a high political office. Maybe Obama wants to be the only "first black" anything and it's too much to have the first black and legally blind governor of New York also be the first to run for another term in office. (By the way, I understand that Paterson is the second legally blind governor of New York). I hope Paterson decides to continue to run. Not because he's a democrat and might hurt the presidency, but the give the political finger to Obama for thinking he could dictate (yes, I said "dictate") who does and doesn't run for office in this country.
Spud Mackenzie Reveals Shocking Secret
Spud Mackenzie revealed a shocking secret on national t.v. this week. (Oh...wait...it's not Spud the Budweiser spokesdog from the '80's? Mackenzie Phillips, the unfortunate looking star of One Day at a Time from the '70's? Oh. I get those two mixed up). Correction, folks: Mackenzie Phillips revealed a shocking secret this week. For the benefit of those people who will not waste money on her autobiography, High on Arrival, she went on national t.v. and let everyone know that she had a consensual incestual relationship with her father for years. Mackenzie is the daughter of Mamas and Papas singer John Phillips. Mackenzie: we're all happy that you're trying to stay sober after years of drug abuse and trying to undo the damage to your face by hosting Proactive infomercials but SHUT UP! Some secrets are best left within the realm of family and trained professionals. What purpose did it serve to go on national t.v.? Judging from the history of drug abuse of both Mackenzie and John, I don't doubt the truthfulness of such a claim. I do, however, believe that this is part of a "publicity stunt" to get people to buy her book rather than an attempt at psychological healing or something of that nature.
Loony Libyan Makes Interpreter's Head Explode
At the U.N. this week, Muamar Qadaffi, the leader of Libya, apparently thought that the world would be impressed by an hour and a half long speech. 75 minutes into the speech that included praises for 'Obama, the Son of Africa', Qadaffi's interpreter collapsed and exclaimed, "I can't take it anymore!" According to the interpreter who has worked for Qadaffi Duck for 25 years, the speech became so incoherent that he couldn't make his boss sound good anymore. I'm not sure which scenario fits this more: Bugs and Daffy arguing over whether it's duck or wabbit season; or the principal from Billy Madison telling Qadaffi that everyone is dumber for having listened to him. After the interpreter lost his mind, another interpreter finished the wacko's speech. It's not enough that these guys have to interpret for him, they have to make him sound good. Talk about your boss being a psycho a-hole. I won't even begin to talk about the whole "trying to find a place in Manhattan to pitch a tent" thing.
Terrorism is Alive and Well in the U.S.
Remember when The Great One dictated that we should no longer use the phrase "War on Terror"? What does he call the recent arrest of terrorist wackos in Texas and New York? Does the fact that he still wants to close Gitmo concern anyone? I'm just asking. What about how now the Iranian president has threatened the U.S. because someone looked at him wrong? Hey, I know! Let's continue our "America Sucks" rhetoric at the U.N. That's the one thing that will make people stop hating and wanting to annihilate Americans! I feel safer already. Thanks, Obama.
ACORN: A Crappy Organization of Radical Nutjobs
ACORN is in the process of slapping a lawsuit on the fictional pimp and prostitute who publicized the group's illegal practices. The organization claims that the dynamic duo violated a Maryland law that stipulates that parties must be aware that they are being recorded. Apparently they are trying to shift the spotlight away from the fact that ACORN employees gave advice on how to cheat the government and set up a sex trafficking business in your home. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. I'm not sure what disgusts me more: the fact that my tax dollars fund this group or the fact that none of the major news networks (NBC, CBS, ABC, etc) have talked about this scandal. Obama claims that this issue isn't important right now; healthcare reform is. He is also trying to distance himself from the group as if we didn't already know that ACORN is so far up Obama's @$$ that he poops oak trees.
Rush Limbaugh Lives the Dream
Rush Limbaugh appeared on the Jay Leno show this week. During Jay's show, Rush took on the "green car challenge" where contestants drive a "green" car on an obstacle course and points are awarded by missing obstacles such as a life-size cutout of Al Gore. Rush not only hit the cutout of Al Gore but backed up the car and hit it again. I bet that felt good. I can only imagine how many people wish they could have done the same thing. Rush, thanks for letting us live vicariously through you for a small, joyous moment in time.
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